Silliness
A short rant
There is a time and a place for everything, but some people seem to be stuck in one “mode” for lack of a better word. They act as if they are pre-programmed, and will just keep doing the same thing no matter how much it doesn’t work, no matter how many people point out that it doesn’t work, no matter how many times they see for themselves that it doesn’t work. It makes them just infuriating, and trying to deal with them is like beating your head against a brick wall. When do we admit defeat and just give up on these people? But enough about why I finally quit working at the Krusty Krab.
Confused? I’ll explain. In addition to the fact that I’m feeling sillier than usual after my many recent exchanges with
, which will undoubtedly make for an absolutely hilarious instalment of The Scroll, about a month ago, I came across an article about temperaments and Christian churches, and let’s just say it nailed down quite a few people, including myself!
The bit I’m going to look at is this:
Traits of the Melancholic personality:
✔Brilliant
✔Analytical
✔Artistic
✔Perfectionist, has high standards
✔Cautious and Introverted
✔Sober and skeptical
✔A detailed planner
❌Depressive
❌Anxious
❌Pessimistic
Fictional Examples: Linus Van Pelt (Peanuts), Pam Beesly (The Office), Professor Snape (Harry Potter), Squidward (SpongeBob SquarePants), Eeyore (Winnie The Pooh)Country example: Russia
Christian example: the Apostle John
Yeah, that’s definitely me! The real me, that is, not the online character I play. Consider this your regular reminder that “Oleksandr Varyazhskii” is not my real name, and also that I must make a conscious effort to not be black-pilled. After all, I’ve studied enough history to know how easy it is for a seemingly inconsequential event to set an entire continent ablaze in a devastating war for decades at a time… but enough about 17th century Europe! Anyway, while I’m not familiar with every fictional example, I can at least tell you that Squidward was my favourite character in SpongeBob SquarePants, and after becoming an adult, I had the immense displeasure of working with someone who was exactly like SpongeBob himself. To make matters even more memetic, his name was Bob. Cannae make this shite up!
Anyway, it should come as no surprise that I hate the SpongeBobs of the world. Well, maybe “hate” is the wrong word, as nine times out of ten, I use it to mean “greatly annoyed by,” and while I’m not quick to anger, some behaviours get on my nerves faster than others, pretty much all of which are the hallmarks of a SpongeBob. They are perpetually happy, always telling you to smile, refuse to leave you alone when you ask them politely, utterly incapable of grasping the concept of introversion, frequently refuse to take serious matters seriously, and respond only to force. Squidwards like me can get the SpongeBobs of the world to do what we want only when we either have a position of authority over them that they actually recognise (meaning it can’t simply be on paper, it must include the ability to dole out meaningful punishment), or when we snap (from being annoyed too damn much) and are a hair’s breadth from driving our thumbs into their eye sockets. Usually it’s the latter, because positions of authority are overwhelmingly occupied by those of a more choleric temperament, but during my time as a cadet, I did eventually rise high enough through the ranks that I was able to deal with my annoyances by ordering them to shut up. Even then, it was not easy, and apparently, that’s not unique to cadet programs, as explained here:
The SpongeBobs of the world have very short attention spans, and so consequences must be delivered immediately if they are to learn at all. You cannot be tolerant, you have to be compulsively corrective of his bad behaviour, which requires an almost sociopathic disposition. Remember friends, SpongeBob does not care how annoying Squidward finds him, SpongeBob is oblivious to the point of delusional, and acts as though he genuinely believes Squidward likes him. After all, who wouldn’t like the happy person? Doesn’t everyone like friendly, happy people? The SpongeBob is so fundamentally incapable of understanding that his insufferable cheer is not always appropriate or even welcome that he comes across as unempathetic. While a lack of empathy is a trait of narcissism or sociopathy, SpongeBob is neither, or even malevolent in any capacity, he’s simply too emotionally unintelligent to grasp the concept that not everyone is like him. My former co-worker Bob was no different. And then you wonder why we sink to the depths of reading your diary to learn your most embarrassing secrets and exact the pettiest of revenge.
I’ll briefly explain that last bit for those who don’t see why that happens: in an attempt to teach emotional empathy, a Squidward like me will respond to a SpongeBob’s allegedly unintentional annoyances by being deliberately annoying right back. It’s a calculated risk, and the experimental prodding will continue until I find something that genuinely pisses him off, and every time I’ve had enough of his bullshit, I’ll do the thing until he learns his lesson… or I get sacked, whichever comes first.
See, he knows he’s stupid, but he feels so secure in his stupidity that he doesn’t want to fix it; he will not even make an attempt to understand a person who is different. He does not understand that not everyone’s incentives are the same. I once told Bob “your love is worthless to me, it will not buy me a house or a plane,” to which he fired back with “but those are material things,” and just kept repeating those last two words such that I could not get a word in edgeways in order to explain that I don’t want the material things for their own sake! I still lived with my parents at the time, was I supposed to be content being stuck there? It’s not exactly a secret that I can’t stand my mother! But of course, the SpongeBob doesn’t understand, he’s perfectly content living inside a fruit and working the same dead-end job for the rest of his life, and so he is confounded by the fact that Squidward wants something a little more fulfilling to do, as well as not being stuck living between the two biggest morons under the sea.
It is no coincidence that the dimwits of the world tend to be so cheerful, and the more intelligent tend to be miserable, at least to a point (midwits are the most miserable because they notice everything wrong with the world, but aren’t capable of doing anything about it). When your world is a fishbowl, then as long as said fishbowl is clean, life is good. As long as a SpongeBob’s basic needs are met, he is content. But he cannot understand those whose psyche requires more. It is not just a difference, it is a hierarchy; just as one can express algebraic theorems in terms of calculus but not the other way round, the wise man can play the part of the fool, but the fool cannot play the part of the wise man. I could understand Bob well enough to explain his motives, but he could never hope to do the same for me.
Tangentially related to the wise man playing the part of the fool, the confident man can feign apprehension, but the apprehensive man cannot feign confidence. In my original version of this rant, this was the point at which I segued into my many complaints with the “confidently wrong,” but I think it requires a piece all its own, given all the other things it ties into. I’ll be back on Sunday, and then the normal schedule (as well as more serious writing) will resume.
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